Episode 50: Brenda and Faith Ferber
Introduction:
In this episode, Susie Gurley welcomes Brenda and Faith Ferber to the podcast. Together, they embark on a deeply personal journey, exploring mental health, resilience, and the power of open communication. Brenda, the author of the impactful article 'My Daughter Told Me She Wanted to Die to Save Her Life I Gave Her Permission to End It,' shares her experiences and the challenges she faced to get her story published. Alongside her is Faith, who bravely shares her early struggles with mental health, self-discovery, and a path toward recovery.
The Article That Made a Difference:
Brenda discusses the title of her article, "My Daughter Told Me She Wanted to Die I Gave Her Permission to End It," and how it drew attention.
Brenda explains her struggle to get the article published and the importance of sharing stories about mental health.
The article resonated with numerous readers who were also dealing with similar challenges but not openly discussing them.
Faith's Early Mental Health Journey:
Faith shares her early experiences with mental health challenges, beginning as early as kindergarten.
Her separation from her twin brother in kindergarten triggered feelings of abandonment and a belief that she was simultaneously "too much and not enough."
Faith describes her first expression of suicidal thoughts at the age of nine.
Middle School Challenges:
Faith's mental health struggles intensified during middle school, leading to self-harm and a need for validation.
She discusses how sexting and self-harm were intertwined and her mother, Brenda's, response to her behavior.
Brenda recalls her perspective as a parent during these challenging times, experiencing shame and confusion.
Friendship and Betrayal:
Faith opens up about her friendship with a group of girls who also engaged in self-harm.
After Faith's mother alerted their parents about their self-harming, the girls turned against Faith, and her friends stopped speaking to her.
Faith recounts the social isolation and betrayal she felt in the aftermath of her mother's actions.
Seeking Help:
Brenda and Faith discuss the critical importance of communication between parents and children regarding mental health.
Brenda shares the moment she discovered Faith's self-harming and the supportive approach she took.
Faith emphasizes the significance of open communication and her mother's positive response.
The Path to Recovery:
Faith and Brenda reflect on Faith's journey toward recovery.
Brenda acknowledges that understanding the role of mental illness was challenging at times.
They emphasize the importance of not dealing with these challenges alone and building a support network.
Context Setting:
The conversation continues between Faith Ferber, Brenda, and Susie Gurley as they delve into their experiences with Faith's struggles and Brenda's emotional journey.
Faith's Eighth Grade Experience:
Faith discusses how her life in eighth grade took a significant toll on her mental health. Her distress reached a point where she contemplated suicide.
She opens up about her hospitalization for suicidal ideation during this time, though it didn't eliminate her suicidal thoughts.
Turning Point in Hawaii:
Faith's parents sent her to an outdoor behavioral health program in Hawaii, where she lived on an organic farm. This experience was transformative for her as she learned to care for the land, plants, and, in turn, herself. It marked the first time she felt she had some worth and could imagine loving and valuing herself.
Enrolling in a Boarding School:
Faith shares how she decided to attend an all-girls boarding school in Connecticut, seeking a fresh start. The school offered a required class on social justice, which ignited Faith's passion for activism.
Coming Out as Gay:
At 16, Faith came out as gay while attending the boarding school. She noticed that the school had different rules for gay and straight students, leading her to confront the issue and fight for equal treatment.
Challenges and Rule Breaking:
Faith's frustration with the school's rules led her to break a major school rule related to sexual activity. This incident made her feel like she was making her life worse.
A further misstep, involving an older girl, who was in college, and Faith's attempt to stay at her house after texting her advisor about feeling suicidal, led to drastic consequences.
Psychiatric Hospitalization:
Faith's text about feeling suicidal triggered a response that resulted in her being sent to a psychiatric hospital. Her mother, Brenda, had to fly to Connecticut to pick her up, and Faith was dismissed from the school due to liability concerns.
Return to an Unchanged Environment:
Faith returned to the same community she had left in eighth grade, where people had not changed, and she felt like she was still the same person from eighth grade. This intensified her depression and suicidal thoughts.
Conversations about Suicide:
Brenda shares the pivotal moment when Faith told her that she wanted to die by suicide. Brenda recounts their emotional conversation and how it ultimately led to an agreement that, if all else failed, Faith could choose that path. She discusses how this revelation was like a wake-up call for her.
Safety Measures:
Brenda mentions that if a gun were present in their house, it would have been an unsafe conversation to have. She emphasizes the importance of keeping a gun out of a household with a mentally ill person.
Faith's Perspective:
Faith admits that, at the time, the validation she received from her mother didn't make her feel hopeful that things would get better. Instead, it felt like a ticket out that allowed her to contemplate different treatments.
Exploring Crisis Management:
Susie Gurley and Brenda delve into a critical topic: how to approach conversations with a loved one who might be contemplating suicide. Brenda shares insights on how her perspective has evolved and what she wishes she knew back then.
The Conversation You Wish You Had:
Brenda reveals that if she could go back in time to when Faith was struggling, she would have asked her point-blank questions about her suicidal thoughts, plans, and means of carrying them out. The goal would be to engage in open, non-judgmental dialogue to assess the level of risk and create a safety plan.
Addressing the Stigma:
The conversation highlights the stigma surrounding suicide and mental illness, which can make it difficult for people to discuss the topic openly. Faith emphasizes that asking someone if they're thinking about suicide does not increase the risk; it's essential to engage in these conversations.
Changing the Narrative:
Brenda emphasizes the need to change the stigma surrounding mental illness. She notes how people often question why something like this happens to families like hers, as if mental illness has selective criteria.
Different Approaches to Treatment:
Faith shares that after her conversation with her mother, they tried various treatments. A new medication, which led to a bipolar diagnosis, was helpful.
However, the most transformative experience was energy healing, conducted remotely over the phone with an energy healer named Cheryl. Faith recounts the session where Cheryl conducted a soul retrieval journey for her and explains how it felt like a game-changing moment in her healing journey.
Positive Outcomes:
Faith describes how the energy healing session had an immediate impact on her well-being. She initially thought the effects might be temporary, but her improved mental health persisted for days, weeks, and months.
Faith's Journey and Mental Health:
Faith Ferber shares her experience with bipolar disorder and the continuous care and attention required for mental health.
Managing her mental illness has become easier with medication.
