When my oldest child was six months old, I thought he had an ear infection. He did not have fever, he wasn’t fussy and didn’t look sick. He just kept shaking his head back and forth. I remember asking my husband when he got home from work what he thought (he was a second year orthopaedic surgery resident at that time). He looked at Jeff, who smiled his infectious smile at his Daddy, and said “He doesn’t look or act sick. He’s fine.”  

The next day, Jeff was still shaking his head back and forth. Maybe he doesn’t have an ear infection, I remember thinking, but something is definitely wrong. I promptly called the pediatrician's office and made an appointment that day.

Guess what? Both of Jeff’s ears were infected. Which was actually a huge relief to me since I had convinced myself by this point he had a brain tumor. I’ll never forget what the pediatrician told this young, new mom. “Trust your gut. You’re his mother. If you think something is wrong, it probably is.” 

“If you think there is something wrong, there probably is. Ask some questions of your child. Make an appointment with the primary care doctor, school counselor or a therapist if you are concerned. You will never be sorry for checking things out.” 

I am not trying to cast blame or throw my husband under the bus. Dan is a wonderful, brilliant man and amazing father. I should not have put Dan in the position to make medical diagnoses on our son. Not only that, but I should have had confidence in my ability to recognize when something was not right, something was off. 

Fast forward roughly eighteen years.  I should have realized there was something not right with Will long before it became a crisis. Looking back, I think there were signs that I ignored. Will had what we now know was a panic attack a few weeks before the crisis point. I didn’t do anything about it. I don’t say all of this to chastise or place blame on myself, but to encourage you who are reading this to TRUST YOUR GUT. If you think there is something wrong, there probably is. Ask some questions of your child. Make an appointment with the primary care doctor, school counselor or a therapist if you are concerned. You will never be sorry for checking things out.